Saturday, November 10, 2007
Is this what it feels like?
In my perimenopausal state..I have one day a month where some hormone is totally whacked and I am in such a funk. Today is it. I have a hard time focusing on anything, my body literally feels heavy. I start something only to stop in the middle and start something else..or go to my email account for the 500th time, looking for what? Every little task feels like climbing a mountain, so nothing gets completed and I feel like I'm failing at every role that God would have for me. All I really want to do is crawl into my bed and wait until the day is over. Then I always think this thought...if this is what depression feels like day after day...wow...what a terrible feeling. I guess I'm thankful that it is only one day. I try not to make any major decisions or declarations to my family on this day. I have nothing good to say. When I go to church tonight to sell Latte tickets and people say..how are you? What do I tell them? Hmmmm..think I'll use my therapist friend's line and say, Fine! (which stands for fragile, insecure, neurotic and emotional..which wouldn't be a lie.) Looking forward to tomorrow and praying for my friends who struggle with this daily.
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4 comments:
So hearing ya, babe. I am not fond of the question How are ya??
Oh Honey. I so getcha, though. Been there for seven years. :) Haven't killed anyone yet, so I figure I'm doin' pretty well.
And, you know? Someday you could just be completely honest with the poor fool that asks that question and lay it right out there. "I feel like I could eat the next person that asks me that." Or how about, "Like all my organs are about to fall out!". That oughta shut 'em right up.
Especially if it's a guy.
Go take a nice warm bath with the iPod. :)
Yep, you pretty much summed it up-you never want to get out of bed, everything seems hard, and to just focus on one task is monumental, it is a daily fight-I'm so glad you only have it for one day- and when people ask me how I am? I say "I'm Alive." -L.
Me too.
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