Down for the count...

Our four year old took out the 14 year old today with one swift punch. He is now singing a first soprano.

Dear Future Grown Up Daughter...

Dear Grown Up Faith,
When you were little, you cried, fussed and whined all.the.time. If you didn't have anything to fuss about, you'd find a bump on your neck, a scratch on your thumb, something, anything to lament about. This morning in church, you really didn't like the dress and new tights. You were itching everywhere. And when you weren't itching, you were telling me you were thirsty. On the way to the bathroom, you were greeted by several people who love you. You did not have time for them. You didn't even acknowledge their comments about how pretty you looked today. In the bathroom, you fussed because I insisted on helping you lift up your dress because if it dipped in the toilet, the fussing that would follow would be even more painful than the fussing that happened while I lifted your dress. We had a reprieve as you sat at the tables and colored during family LifeShaping. But, then, while holding your candy cane, it broke. And everyone heard about it. Especially during Pastor Larry's prayer.

You were happy on the way home. This was wonderful. In the old days, like about 2 weeks ago, you would've fussed all the way home about something. When we got home, I made the mistake of mentioning that we were going to pack away the Vick's machine after nap. You are all better, no more cold! And..yes..you fussed about this as well.

My prayer for you dear daughter, that all of this attention that you give to details, will serve you well as an adult. Perhaps you will be a nurse, and be sensitive to people who complain, or maybe you'll be a teacher and that child that nobody else can handle, you will have special insight into. Or, maybe you will be a stay at home mom, and God will bless you with a child like yourself. I'll take her for you for a few hours and with great joy, I will hand her back. But most of all, I hope you know how much Jesus loves you. And that life will never be perfect because as Daddy says, "It's all broken." And if you feel like fussing as an adult I pray that you will take it to the cross. For right now, I'm doing that for you and for myself. That..and will someone hand me some advil, please.

Coffee...

So, I think that making coffee first thing in the morning for myself is just like when you put the oxygen mask on in an airplane. Taking care of coffee first allows me to take care of the ones around me much better. Coffee equals oxygen for coffeegirl.

A real man...

The Davester...

While David was waiting for the bus this morning, he was climbing up a hill, on his knees, and sliding down on his sled and wiping out. After the fourth time, I told him that maybe that wasn't such a good idea as his pants were getting wet. To this motherly concern he replied,

"I suppose I should have snowpants on. But, Mom, I'm a man. And a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."

Okay then. I'm not getting in the way of his manhood.

What do I want to be known for?

I just finished reading the obituaries. I cried at a letter written from a grown son to his deceased mother. He told her how hard life was without her but he had a new friend who was helping him, Jesus Christ. I read about two people who died suddenly in their 50's. Another woman, 78, died peacefully in her sleep. Others, died peacefully or died courageously in their battle of cancer, alzheimer's, parkinsons. And I can't help wondering, what will my last breath look like? Will I die courageously? Will I die in my sleep? Will I die suddenly at fifty years old? I hope I just die in my sleep.

And then, there's the description. Preceeded in death by...a spouse, a parent, and God-forbid, a child. After that, there are two or three sentences about who they were. Loved to read, avid outdoorsman, special ed. teacher...and I wonder. What will my two sentences be? What will I be known for? What do I want to be known for? What really matters?

She quilted, she scrapbooked, she loved facebook, she loved to organize, she struggled to stay positive with her special needs daughters....so far, here's what I've got.

Preceeded in death by her daughter, Grace, her beloved father. God knows the rest of the story. It's up to me to fill in the blanks with the best I can, living out His calling in the middle of the daily routines. And hoping beyond hope that the littlest mundane activity adds up to kingdom value. That wiping away the tears that come so easily on our daughters cheeks, speaking calmly when I really want to scream, taking a breath to calm myself before I attempt to calm the anxious hearted...all matters.

I know it might seem a little bit odd reading the obituaries in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon, but hey, that's where life is lived, where our last breaths will be breathed...in the middle of an ordinary day. And, if we know Jesus...that day, that moment won't be ordinary at all. It will be the beginning of the best homecoming party ever thrown. It's all pretty short in comparison. Now, back to the dailyness of laundry.

Some of the most patient things in life...

1. My husband..he loves me through the good, the bad and the ugly
2. Breakfast dishes (they are patiently sitting on my counter and it's almost 3 p.m.)
3. my ironing pile....it just sits quietly..never fusses
4. Skeeter, David's turle. Love Skeeter. You walk by his tank and he follows you..quietly.
5. Dust...it just keeps collecting friends without a word.

It's really all in how you look at it, really.

Theme song changed just a little....

Feel free to finish this for me......to the tune of Cheers....

Making my bed in the world today takes everything I've got...
Sure would like to stay and hide and think or maybe not...
Wouldn't it be nice to get away????

Sometimes you want to go where nobody knows your name....
And there's room service to claim....

Mama Bear's Claws are tied....

Dear Caleb,

The Bible tells us that in this life we will have many troubles and tribulations. God actually allows our faith to be tested. I believe that you are in one of those testing times right now. I am as well. I'd really like to go up to the teacher who has maligned your character and give her a piece of my mind. I just might get that opportunity, we'll see how tomorrow's meeting goes. Mama Bear's claws are trying to stay calm as I see my cub being attacked.

Here's what I'm trying to remember. Before the beginning of time, you were God's idea. He made you. He formed you. He has your days numbered. And in the same way that you were fashioned in my womb, so was this teacher. She was fashioned in her mother's womb. Her days are numbered. I know that you believe in Jesus. I know that when your last breath comes, I will see you again on the other side of eterntiy. I don't know if I can say that about the her. I am praying that I can look at this situation to speak the truth, but to do it in a way that honors God. I would like to handle this opportunity in a way that hopefully, this woman can walk away and think to herself...they were really upset, but they handled that in a way I've never seen before.

I hope that she sees Jesus in our defense. Just becuase you are a Christ follower, doesn't meant that people can walk all over you. But it does mean, that when you defend yourself, you do it in a way that is loving, truthful, not shaming, and honoring to our King. Because at the end of the day......rather, at the end of time itself, all that matters is what our King thinks of us. We all come to His throne alone. Accountable for our hearts.

My prayer for us is that we honor our King in our anger and defense.

Love eternally...
Mom

I'm back...

So I quit blogging for a long time. I felt like I didn't have anything good to say while I was deep in grief over my dad. There were a few other reasons as well, and I've decided that they don't matter anymore. I'm constantly writing in my head, it's therapy for me. I'm ready to throw some thoughts out there again. If for no other reason, the therapy of clearing my head. God has been working in my heart and mind and I'd like to tie some loose ends together. For Him...so He gets the glory. Not to point at me in any way. His grace is amazing and I'm humbled that He never gave up on me.

One more thing..if any of my peeps read this...would you start praying for me about one thing? I'm going to speak at October's Latte...to kick off the year and make my "retirement" official. I'm excited and nervous. It is a culminating event for me on many levels.

Latte started out of grieving for Grace and ended for me with the death of my dad. In the middle there was autism. It's interesting to me ..the timing of it all. God uses us when we're empty. Maybe that's the perfect time. Maybe when I thought I had it all together, it would've just been about me and that thought makes me want to throw up (going with the theme of Porter's sermon today.)

Anyway...here I am. The pain is not so intense and I'm thankful that God really does take our ashes and makes something beautiful out of them. This was the fiercest battle so far and I long for everyone to taste the everlasting water that Jesus has given me. I've only had a few drops and He has so much more.....

Dear Dad...

I miss you so much. I think the thing that I miss the most is your voice. I can still hear it in my head and I'm so thankful for that. I miss our talks. You always had time for me, and listened, asked questions and had a way of helping me to feel hopeful. I miss hearing your choke up when you'd tell me how much you loved me and then how your voice would change as you prayed for me. You turned into this pillar of faith and light. I always felt better after talking to you. I love you so much.

Thoughts on Joy and Sorrow...Piper again...

The Sorrow and Joy of the Seasoned Soul
Posted: 25 Mar 2009 03:09 AM PDT
(Author: John Piper)

It is not a sign of a seasoned Christian soul that steady joy is untinged with steady sorrow.

Or to put it positively, the seasoned soul in Christ has a steady joy and a steady sorrow.

They protect each other. Joy is protected from being flippant by steady sorrow. Sorrow is protected from being fatal by steady joy.

And they intensify each other. Joy is made deeper by steady sorrow. Sorrow is made sweeter by steady joy.

For the seasoned Christian soul, I do not see how it can be otherwise while people are perishing and we are saved. I do not see how it can be otherwise while these two passages are written by the same inspired man:

I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh. (Romans 9:2-3)

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. (Philippians 4:4)

Davester...

This is the Davester. He is fun, energetic, a fighter, a singer, and a great communicator. This is his story of his experience at church today. It went down something like this:

"So, David, how was church for you today?"
"I had the worst Sunday School experience today of my life!"
"Really? What happened?"

"Well, it all started when they lined us up and had us number off and then put us all at tables according to our numbers. I had to sit at a table with all girls! All my friends got to sit together. It got worse when they told us to come up with a name for our table. The teacher called on a girl sitting by me and she named our team the "Kitty Cats"! My friends? They named their team the "Packers!". I was laughing and kind of sad all at the same time and my eyes welled up with tears! Every time our team got a point I'd say....yessss..the Kitty Cats are fighting back!"

"Then..Mom...you're not going to believe what happens next. We always write down prayer requests on a piece of paper and at the end of class, the teacher hands one to everyone. We're supposed to pray for one another. Guess which one I got! The girl who named our team! Here's what it says:

Please pray for my cat she is getting old. She is 81. Her name is Jenny but I call her Kitty. I love her alot!!! And..that's not all. there's a picture of a cat on top of the page. Now I know why she named our team that!"

"So David...what do you think God is trying to teach you in all of this?"

Fourteen year old brother pipes up, "Be patient with women."

Helpful...

In light of Caleb S.'s homegoing and this week marking the year anniversary of my dad's..this blog entry by Piper brought me hope today to my tired, sad heart.



2 Stages of God’s Care for Us: Fettered and Freed
March 11, 2009 | By: John Piper
Category: Commentary
In this age, God rescues his people from some harm. Not all harm. That’s comforting to know, because otherwise we might conclude from our harm that he has forgotten us or rejected us.

So be encouraged by the simple reminder that in Acts 16:19-24 Paul and Silas were not delivered, but in verses 25-26 they were.

First, no deliverance:

“They seized Paul and Silas and dragged them into the marketplace.” (v. 19)
“The magistrates tore the garments off them.” (v. 22)
They “inflicted many blows upon them.” (v. 23)
The jailer “fastened their feet in the stocks.” (v. 24)
But then deliverance:

About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God...and suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken. And immediately all the doors were opened, and everyone’s bonds were unfastened. (v. 25-26)

God could have stepped in sooner. He didn’t. He has his reasons. He loves Paul and Silas.

Question for you: If you plot your life along this continuum, where are you? Are you in the stripped and beaten stage, or the unshackled, door-flung-open stage?

Both are God’s stages of care for you.

If you are in the fettered stage, don’t despair. Sing. Freedom is on the way. It is only a matter of time. Even if it comes through death.

March 9th

This day marks the birth of our daughter. Five years ago, a mother gave us the ultimate sacrifice and gave us her baby girl to raise and to love as our own. Five years ago, God wove this precious baby, into our hearts and lives.

Two years ago today, it was then that our baby girl covered her ears and screamed as we sang, "Happy Birthday" to her. Deep inside my mommy heart, I knew something was desperately wrong. This begun another journey into autism.

Last year, on this date, my dad wore an oxygen mask because he had influenza and could not get enough air. It was this day that marked the beginning of the most difficult week in my entire life as Dad continued to decline, was put on a respirator and we made that terrible decision that it was "time" to take him off. I don't wish this on anyone.

And yet..somewhere there is a family of a boy named, "Caleb" who are faced with this terrible decision as their son had an accident snowboarding. I cannot imagine having to face this with your own child. This day marks a huge moment in their lives as well.

So..it is this that brings me hope today. The whole chapter of Psalms 103. But this verse specifically....

"as a Father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it and it is gone, and its place knows it no more....But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children's children."

How to change the world....

Caleb is home sick. We just finished watching the inspirational movie, "Rudy". When it was over, we were talking about what we were going to do to change the world. The conversation went something like this:

"So Mom, what are you going to do to change the world?"

"I'm going just focus on my little corner of the world because that's all I've got. I'm going to keep working with those little girls that are so much work. It's the hand I was dealt and I'm not going to give up. Even if I feel like I was dealt too many cards."

Caleb's quick response.....

"Better use two hands."

Positively Sarcastic...

Caleb wants to co-author a book with me someday and this is going to be the title. We've been gathering little snippets here and there to include. What's our vision for this publication you ask? To see if we can be positive and sarcastic at the same time. Here was his contribution today..and he meant it. Ouch.

Mom...you know, when you actually decide to cook, you are a really good cook.

Flip charts...

I have this flip chart of verses right by the kitchen sink. I'm there 90% of the day so this works well. I have had this verse there for weeks. I can't seem to flip it because I want this to permeate my soul.

GOD OF HOPE,
fill me with all joy and peace as I trust in You, so that I may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13

Little by little, the darkness of anger and disappointment is going away. The light of Jesus is slowly rising like the most beautiful sunrise approaches. I love how His light chases away the darkness. It's totally in slow motion which I'm growing to appreciate. At first, I wanted the darkness to flee quickly. My DH kept telling me that the struggle had a purpose and to keep hanging on. Little by little, I can see that as well.

So as the sun rises, his love chases the darkness away, and trust seeps in with beautiful warm rays of light. When trust comes back, so does hope and hope does not disappoint. Hope gives me the courage to fight another day. The battle is fierce and sometimes it is very ugly and dark, but the darker it gets, the brighter Jesus is. And the tighter I hang onto to Him.

A gift....

I was cleaning out my office area today. The never ending project...and I found a box of old letters. Yep. You guessed it. Inside were about a dozen letters from my dad. All dated back to when I was in college. My dad didn't like to be on the phone or to write letters, but he really made a huge effort when I was away from home. My favorite line in all of them...."Dear daughter, your dad loves you muchly.". I know..a scholar he wasn't, but a loving, humble, God-fearing man, he was. I am so blessed to be the daughter of Richard T. Reynertson.

Reprimanded...

By my 14 year old. It went something like this:

"Boys, I will be picking you up from school today."
"Why can't Dad do it?"
"Because he has another stinking meeting to go to."

14 year old, with his hands in his pockets, his head tilted in a fatherly manner, "Mom, remember when Dad was trying to decide if he should do this elder thing, we discussed this as a family. We knew that it was going to be like this. It's not a stinking meeting. It's important."

40 year old mother spits out the only childish thing she can think of.

"You're mean."

The tables are turning too quickly.

Seriously, people....

I'm seriously tired of the magazine covers that stare me in the face at the grocery store. Would someone please put some clothes on these thin, scantily dressed ladies? Why doesn't someone come out with an In Style magazine for people like us? Mom's Who Can Wear Sweats and still look sexy! Do you ever see that headline? And could there please be shirts that will fit a middle-aged body that is trying not to accentuate that nasty fat roll? Maybe if they made jeans that were just a tad bit higher..I don't know. I'm just saying. Fashion for normal people. People.

Anyone else have a headline?

A word from Spurgeon to cheer us on....

“Behold, I make all things new!”
Posted: 01 Jan 2009 12:03 AM CST

“There are children of God who need this text, ‘Behold, I make all things new,’ whose sigh is that they so soon grow dull and weary in the ways of God, and therefore they need daily renewing. After a few months a vigorous young Christian will begin to cool down; and those who have been long in the ways of God find that final perseverance must be a miracle if ever it is to be accomplished, for naturally they tire and faint.

Well, now, dear friends, why do you and I ever get stale and flat? Why, it is because we get away from him who says, ‘Behold, I make all things new.’ The straight way to a perpetual newness and freshness of holy youth is to go to Christ again, just as we did at the first. A better thing still is never to leave him, but to stand for ever at the cross-foot delighting yourself in his all-sufficient sacrifice.

They that are full of the joy of the Lord never find life grow weary. Getting near to Christ, you will partake in his joy, and that joy shall be your strength, your freshness, the newness of your life. God grant us to drink of the eternal founts, that we may for ever overflow.”

—Charles Spurgeon, “Sermon for New Year’s Day”