Mama Bear's Claws are tied....

Dear Caleb,

The Bible tells us that in this life we will have many troubles and tribulations. God actually allows our faith to be tested. I believe that you are in one of those testing times right now. I am as well. I'd really like to go up to the teacher who has maligned your character and give her a piece of my mind. I just might get that opportunity, we'll see how tomorrow's meeting goes. Mama Bear's claws are trying to stay calm as I see my cub being attacked.

Here's what I'm trying to remember. Before the beginning of time, you were God's idea. He made you. He formed you. He has your days numbered. And in the same way that you were fashioned in my womb, so was this teacher. She was fashioned in her mother's womb. Her days are numbered. I know that you believe in Jesus. I know that when your last breath comes, I will see you again on the other side of eterntiy. I don't know if I can say that about the her. I am praying that I can look at this situation to speak the truth, but to do it in a way that honors God. I would like to handle this opportunity in a way that hopefully, this woman can walk away and think to herself...they were really upset, but they handled that in a way I've never seen before.

I hope that she sees Jesus in our defense. Just becuase you are a Christ follower, doesn't meant that people can walk all over you. But it does mean, that when you defend yourself, you do it in a way that is loving, truthful, not shaming, and honoring to our King. Because at the end of the day......rather, at the end of time itself, all that matters is what our King thinks of us. We all come to His throne alone. Accountable for our hearts.

My prayer for us is that we honor our King in our anger and defense.

Love eternally...
Mom

I'm back...

So I quit blogging for a long time. I felt like I didn't have anything good to say while I was deep in grief over my dad. There were a few other reasons as well, and I've decided that they don't matter anymore. I'm constantly writing in my head, it's therapy for me. I'm ready to throw some thoughts out there again. If for no other reason, the therapy of clearing my head. God has been working in my heart and mind and I'd like to tie some loose ends together. For Him...so He gets the glory. Not to point at me in any way. His grace is amazing and I'm humbled that He never gave up on me.

One more thing..if any of my peeps read this...would you start praying for me about one thing? I'm going to speak at October's Latte...to kick off the year and make my "retirement" official. I'm excited and nervous. It is a culminating event for me on many levels.

Latte started out of grieving for Grace and ended for me with the death of my dad. In the middle there was autism. It's interesting to me ..the timing of it all. God uses us when we're empty. Maybe that's the perfect time. Maybe when I thought I had it all together, it would've just been about me and that thought makes me want to throw up (going with the theme of Porter's sermon today.)

Anyway...here I am. The pain is not so intense and I'm thankful that God really does take our ashes and makes something beautiful out of them. This was the fiercest battle so far and I long for everyone to taste the everlasting water that Jesus has given me. I've only had a few drops and He has so much more.....

Dear Dad...

I miss you so much. I think the thing that I miss the most is your voice. I can still hear it in my head and I'm so thankful for that. I miss our talks. You always had time for me, and listened, asked questions and had a way of helping me to feel hopeful. I miss hearing your choke up when you'd tell me how much you loved me and then how your voice would change as you prayed for me. You turned into this pillar of faith and light. I always felt better after talking to you. I love you so much.

Thoughts on Joy and Sorrow...Piper again...

The Sorrow and Joy of the Seasoned Soul
Posted: 25 Mar 2009 03:09 AM PDT
(Author: John Piper)

It is not a sign of a seasoned Christian soul that steady joy is untinged with steady sorrow.

Or to put it positively, the seasoned soul in Christ has a steady joy and a steady sorrow.

They protect each other. Joy is protected from being flippant by steady sorrow. Sorrow is protected from being fatal by steady joy.

And they intensify each other. Joy is made deeper by steady sorrow. Sorrow is made sweeter by steady joy.

For the seasoned Christian soul, I do not see how it can be otherwise while people are perishing and we are saved. I do not see how it can be otherwise while these two passages are written by the same inspired man:

I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh. (Romans 9:2-3)

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. (Philippians 4:4)

Davester...

This is the Davester. He is fun, energetic, a fighter, a singer, and a great communicator. This is his story of his experience at church today. It went down something like this:

"So, David, how was church for you today?"
"I had the worst Sunday School experience today of my life!"
"Really? What happened?"

"Well, it all started when they lined us up and had us number off and then put us all at tables according to our numbers. I had to sit at a table with all girls! All my friends got to sit together. It got worse when they told us to come up with a name for our table. The teacher called on a girl sitting by me and she named our team the "Kitty Cats"! My friends? They named their team the "Packers!". I was laughing and kind of sad all at the same time and my eyes welled up with tears! Every time our team got a point I'd say....yessss..the Kitty Cats are fighting back!"

"Then..Mom...you're not going to believe what happens next. We always write down prayer requests on a piece of paper and at the end of class, the teacher hands one to everyone. We're supposed to pray for one another. Guess which one I got! The girl who named our team! Here's what it says:

Please pray for my cat she is getting old. She is 81. Her name is Jenny but I call her Kitty. I love her alot!!! And..that's not all. there's a picture of a cat on top of the page. Now I know why she named our team that!"

"So David...what do you think God is trying to teach you in all of this?"

Fourteen year old brother pipes up, "Be patient with women."

Helpful...

In light of Caleb S.'s homegoing and this week marking the year anniversary of my dad's..this blog entry by Piper brought me hope today to my tired, sad heart.



2 Stages of God’s Care for Us: Fettered and Freed
March 11, 2009 | By: John Piper
Category: Commentary
In this age, God rescues his people from some harm. Not all harm. That’s comforting to know, because otherwise we might conclude from our harm that he has forgotten us or rejected us.

So be encouraged by the simple reminder that in Acts 16:19-24 Paul and Silas were not delivered, but in verses 25-26 they were.

First, no deliverance:

“They seized Paul and Silas and dragged them into the marketplace.” (v. 19)
“The magistrates tore the garments off them.” (v. 22)
They “inflicted many blows upon them.” (v. 23)
The jailer “fastened their feet in the stocks.” (v. 24)
But then deliverance:

About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God...and suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken. And immediately all the doors were opened, and everyone’s bonds were unfastened. (v. 25-26)

God could have stepped in sooner. He didn’t. He has his reasons. He loves Paul and Silas.

Question for you: If you plot your life along this continuum, where are you? Are you in the stripped and beaten stage, or the unshackled, door-flung-open stage?

Both are God’s stages of care for you.

If you are in the fettered stage, don’t despair. Sing. Freedom is on the way. It is only a matter of time. Even if it comes through death.

March 9th

This day marks the birth of our daughter. Five years ago, a mother gave us the ultimate sacrifice and gave us her baby girl to raise and to love as our own. Five years ago, God wove this precious baby, into our hearts and lives.

Two years ago today, it was then that our baby girl covered her ears and screamed as we sang, "Happy Birthday" to her. Deep inside my mommy heart, I knew something was desperately wrong. This begun another journey into autism.

Last year, on this date, my dad wore an oxygen mask because he had influenza and could not get enough air. It was this day that marked the beginning of the most difficult week in my entire life as Dad continued to decline, was put on a respirator and we made that terrible decision that it was "time" to take him off. I don't wish this on anyone.

And yet..somewhere there is a family of a boy named, "Caleb" who are faced with this terrible decision as their son had an accident snowboarding. I cannot imagine having to face this with your own child. This day marks a huge moment in their lives as well.

So..it is this that brings me hope today. The whole chapter of Psalms 103. But this verse specifically....

"as a Father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it and it is gone, and its place knows it no more....But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children's children."