Sunday, September 30, 2007

Rainy Days and Sundays.....

The girls are alseep, the boys are at a "the" football game...the house is quiet. I'm in my favorite t-shirt that says, "It's all about me." Now, if you are a mother, you know that THAT statement is a very funny joke. I'm home sick with two toddlers. Need I say more? Yep..this cold turned a nasty corner yesterday morning..sorry to my cell group that was here on Friday night...hope I didn't spread the love too much.

My mom went to church this morning for the first time alone without my dad. Her church family is surrounding her with so much love. One woman has adopted my dad, she calls him "Pops" in private...we'll name her Sue. Sue and her sweet husband picked my mom up, even though she lives across the street, and walked in with her and watched over my sweet mom while she faced into a little more reality of my dad's cancer. I cannot imagine what it was like for her. Sitting in a pew, looking up at the front and not seeing her pastor/husband and knowing that this is going to be the norm. My mom is a very brave woman. She will face into this like she has everything else in her life and she will come out on the other side praising Jesus. But, as she's facing into this, if God ever brings her to mind, would you pray this prayer with me? I know it's a little long, so you could just tell God, "ditto" or something. He knows.

Dear Jesus,
I am asking you to watch over my mom. I know that You do, but please pay special attention to her in the next days, weeks, and months to come. Surprise her with Your grace and mercy. Show her Your love in ways that she could never have imagined possible.

Give her the physical strenth that she needs I ask a special healing on her knees. It doesn't seem fair that she has to struggle physically now as well as emotionally.

Keep her faith strong as she faces the strongest test yet. May you give her the hope and peace that only You can give her. Shower her with it, Jesus. May she identify with You in more intimate ways and may You become sweeter as You turn her ashes into something beautiful.

Make this last chapter of her marriage the most precious yet. Give them laughter through the tears, thankfulness and contentment as they face into this time. Only You can do that, Jesus. Put a hedge of protection around them against the enemy. Make this their shining moment. Your best display yet. As people watch how they suffer, may You be glorified. Help them to desire that even on bad days when their hearts are breaking.

And Jesus, when she is laying her head down at night to sleep, whisper in her ear how much you love her. That above all, she is Your daughter and You love her and will never ever leave her. Let her mind be at peace. Help her to know that all the love that she's shown to her children and to her husband matters. That her children rise and call her blessed. Let her know that she also has run the race in a manner that is pleasing to You and has made a mark on us all for eternity.

Keep Your eye on Your daugher, Jesus. And, tell her that we all love her so very much and we're proud of her.


Saturday, September 29, 2007

Why do we blog.....

Okay, I need to hear from you guys. I have been challenged on why do we blog? Is it a waste of time? Is it an online diary that shows the world stuff that they just shouldn't be privy to? Is it some type of cyberspace soap opera? I have some of my own ideas..but I'd love to hear yours first. What value does blogging bring to your daily lives? If any? I'm seriously asking...really. For real.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Ticked Off...ranting of a new blogger

Okay...I don't appreciate the crude anonymous comment left on my Dear Husband post. I'm not sure if it was a joke or if someone meant it for real. I suppose that's what I get for putting myself out there on the web. I could use some advice from fellow bloggers. I don't seem to have the little trash can icon to help me delete unwanted posts. So, I have selected to have all of my posts first go to my email then I can choose what should be posted or not. Is there an easier route? I was unable to just delete the anonymous post, so I deleted the whole stinking thing. Not sure if I really want to do this blog thing. Maybe I'll just write the stupid book and be done. I could use a different name. How about "anonymous"...wait....that's not a name!!!! Chicken. If you're going to write something stupid, at least attach a name to it.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Back to reality......

My dad has cancer. I've had a little reprieve from the reality of it. But now, it's late, I can't sleep from this dumb cold, and I'm feeling a little bit guilty for being silly with my blog. In my family, we often use humor to deal with our life circumstances. It is a short, brief vacation from the strong emotions whirling within. I just took the last half hour and reread all the posts that I wrote on the FCC's forum, updating everyone of my dad's 3.5 week journey of finding out about his leukemia. I'm having one of those moments of...I cannot believe that this is happening.

You hear this all the time..."I never thought this would happen to us." I really didn't. I thought for sure his crohn's would finally kick in high gear somewhere in his 80's. When I tell people (who don't know my dad)that he has leukemia, they ask how old he is. When I say 68, they almost react with a sigh and a resigned, "That's too bad" attitude and it follows with, "He's lived a long life". Nobody says the second part, but I am hearing it in their attitude. And I want to scream..."He's not an old man! He's my dad!" It is way too soon.

When Grace (our daughter) died, afterwards, I kept thinking and crying out to God, "I don't know how to do this." I didn't know how to grieve. I am such a list person..and grief doesn't follow any kind of pattern. You cannot predict when it will peak or what will set it off. I don't feel that way right now. It's more like..."I don't want to do this." I know, I know. My dad is still alive and I will enjoy him as much as God allows me to be with him. But...the thought keeps running in my head...I will never again say the word "Dad" to any man. He is the only one that I will ever call Dad. And, I don't want to do this.

I may read this blog in the morning and have bloggers regret. But for's what I know. I know God is good all the time. I know that His love is bigger than my pain. I know that He will carry us through every peak and valley. Right now, at this very just stinks. (I changed that last word for you, mom....toned it down a little.) Rhymes with trucks...starts with an S people....

There I go again....

I love you, Dad.

Bloggers...fess up for me, please.

I am psychotic. I was so excited last night about actually having started a blog...all by myself....might I add...that I could hardly sleep. I woke up with the same excitement and ran to my computer. Sure enough, I had one post already at 7 a.m.! Carla..what's up with the 4 a.m. thing, girl? Get some sleep! Anyway...all day long I was looking forward to when my chillins would be in bed and I could blog some more. What would I write about? I wrote so many blogs in my head...good ones, I might add....and now, they have all escaped me. One thought that I am pondering is, how much time does a blogger spend a day writing, reading and responding to blogs? I am thinking that this could be quite addicting for my introverted self who is a stay at home mom. It is a like a window out of my small little world. Dangerous stuff, this bloggging. Okay, if anyone dares...what's an average amount of time. Do you limit yourself? Do you have certain times of the day that are devoted to bloggville? Do you spend time all day long writing, editing, and thinking of different blogs? Is all of this just part of the honeymoon phase of blogging? I know, I need a life. But for now, I'm happy to have joined the bloggers.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I'm a blogger!!!

I am up late and the munchkins are all asleep. I have been dreaming about this day. The day that I have created my own blog. I am going to have to ask for help from some of my blogger friends on how to make my blog look pretty. I have no idea what I am doing! But, here I am. Won't my husband be so proud of me? He just declared that he wasn't the type of person to blog because he just says what he's thinking. He thinks it's only the introverts of the world who need to blog in order to get their thoughts out there. Hmmm....maybe true for me. I do think better alone. This would be my ideal way of communciating....most of the time. But, husband, if you're reading this, I think you should blog because I love the thoughts that you speak so clearly to me, and others would benefit from them also. (Most of the time.) Stay tuned for thoughts on life, kids, coffee, or whatever comes to mind.