I am having a terrible time focusing on anything today.....went to Walmart...kept retracing my steps and it just dawned on me. I picked out a birthday card for my dad today. As I was crying in the card isle, none of them said enough...or just the right thing. I settled on one, but I think my search is not yet completed. It may be time for a homemade card. I think the thing that really sucks (there ...I said it) is that I don't know if I will find myself in the "Dad" section of Hallmark ever again.
I feel better...maybe I can figure out what to make for dinner tonight. This grief thing...it sneaks up on you, takes away your immediate attention, energy and leaves you with a heaviness that you just can't quite put your finger on. We weren't made for this thing called death. It isn't beautiful, we try to make it that..but it isn't. And, I'm not going to pretend that God needs a rose in his garden...or that he needs my dad in heaven. God doesn't need anything. That whole idea makes me sick to my stomach.
What God desires is my heart. And, I am more convinced than ever that He is good, that He loves us more than we realize...and that when I'm sad, His heart aches. I praise Him that He's helped me to turn the corner in trusting Him a little more, and believing a little more that His plans are better than my comfort. It is in facing the doubts, bringing them to the cross, that He gives living water to my soul. I am not disappointed. This, truly, is amazing grace.
9 comments:
Thanks for your honesty, Sheri, and for sharing such a personal part of your life. I'm grieving along with you, my friend.
I'm so sorry you had a hard time shopping for a card, maybe a homemade card with a letter expressing your heart would feel better to give than a store bought one- I bought you a book today, I'll try to send it to Awana with Jer-L.
Ed and I were robbed once... and for months, even years, afterward - we would still notice we were missing things off and on, just little stuff, and remember they had been taken. That was just stuff.
Death robs us too. I agree; he's an ugly enemy. It's not death itself that's beautiful. Thank you for sharing your heart, friend.
Oh, Sheri. I wish I could do something. Please keep sharing with us so we can keep supporting you.
I was touched by your post today. Blessed are they who mourn (Matthew 5:4). Not because mourning is fun, but you are blessed if you are alive enough and strong enough in your faith to truly feel pain and loss, rather than try to deny it or numb it. That verse also says that if you truly walk through the mourning, you will be comforted. I love what you said about not pretending death is beautiful or that God needs your dad in heaven. Like people at a funeral that act happy that the deceased is now in "a better place."
Thanks, guys.
I so hear you about the grief thing. Even 5 years later, it still does, although not nearly as much as it did.
It's SO not easy, what you're dealing with. And no well-meant words make it better. It hurts. It stinks. I'm glad you are honest about it and not pretending that it's all ok.
Enjoy this time with your dad. I hope your cold is better and you can squeeze him up properly when you see him on Sunday.
Love you, sweets.
I love you, Sheri. Happy Birthday to your dad!
You are a gem, Sheri. Thanks for sharing this post. Thanks for your transparency, and for truth spoken through tears.
Post a Comment