His Hands

I read this scripture to the kiddos this morning before they left for school:

"The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot." Psalm 16:5

In an attempt to explain the second part, I said that this meant that God holds their day in His hands. Nothing would happen today that surprised Him. He knows exactly where they are at all times. And if they trusted in Jesus, some day, they would go to heaven forever! He holds our days and our future!

When the kids were outside waiting for the bus, Bethany looked up at the sky and said, "I don't see God's hands." And then she laughed. I think she was attempting humor. What I'm most excited about is the fact that she remembered what I was trying to explain and was thinking about the fact that her day is indeed in God's hands.

Thankful

I met an old friend in the grocery store yesterday. It had been three years since we have talked. She thought I moved to Florida. Nope. Still here. She wondered if we ever found out about our daughter, did she have autism? Yes, she has autism. And what else is new? My dad got cancer and he's gone. It's been two years already. She is a nurse and works with acute leukemia patients. She was astonished that we had seven months. She said those patients can have as little as two weeks. We're going to get together in the fall for lunch, when all of my children will be in school all day.

As I look back at that conversation, I'm astonished, really. Wow. When did all of that happen? When did our lives change with special needs and a diagnosis that would bring my dad home? Two years later, it's still surreal. I hear his voice and I can feel his hugs. Life just keeps rolling along.

And I find myself so thankful that we had the seven months, that babygirl is progressing so well in her disability and through it all, I have a God who promises to never leave. And the bonus, is a husband who is committed 110% to be what God wants him to be, and constantly gives me the love and encouragement that I need. I see him now reaching out to his own family and my heart is full.

Through the good times and bad, his love is constant, and so is my Abba Father's. So thankful.

Moments

Life is filled with different types of moments. Moments of seemingly small significance. Recognizing that David's bubble maker that he is creating with his dad's drill is amazing, explaining to Bethany why she can't be a morning kindergartner like her friend, hearing Faith say that she loves me and that I'm her special gift, and waking up Caleb and talking about what he was like when he was little. A phone call with the Elder, and hearing his heartbeat for the body at FCC. Checking emails, browsing on facebook while drinking my morning coffee, crying at the video from Selah and being reminded how much my Jesus loves me. The breakfast dishes are once again calling my name, I need to change sheets, vacuum the floors, make a meatloaf and somewhere in my day, read my Bible and exercise and tackle that organizing project that I started 3 weeks ago. The one I couldn't finish when difficult moments arrived and derailed me from the seemingly mundane chores on Oakgreen Circle.

Then there are those "other" moments. The ones that your life stops and your world is defined by something different. The moment that you hear a diagnosis. The moment at the cemetery when the fifty verses of Amazing Grace is finally finished and you wonder to yourself...now what? There are beautiful moments as well, getting engaged, walking down the isle of my dad's arm, feeling my baby kick for the first time and then the joy of meeting that little one face to face.

And I think to myself...(can you hear the song.."What a Wonderful World")....what do all these moments add up to? I am constantly struggling to make ordinary moments count, to be faithful even in the tough moments of parenting, to not let self-pity or despair overtake me. Discouragement seeps into those ordinary moments with a whisper of discontent and if I don't pay attention to it, it gives way to something bigger and uglier and a posture that is not honoring to my King.

I'm left with the choice to believe that all of the ordinary moments of all of our days add up to something bigger. I often think that it's in the ordinary moments that great things happen. I wonder how many things I miss because I'm not paying attention or I'm too tired to see? I'm also convinced that the God who created this world, loves me enough to care about every little moment of every waking hour. That fact alone keeps me going and gives me what I need for the next several moments.

Now..about those breakfast dishes.

Abba Father...thank you.

This morning was a tough one at the Zimm's for many reasons. For the most part, though, it was a tired mama trying to deal with two special needs girls. If one wasn't fussing, the other one was. It can be so constant. I found myself on the familiar thinking path of, "I can't do this, this is too hard." When those thoughts start coming down the track of my thinking patterns, I know that I have more work to do. I need to replace those thoughts with, "God, help me. Thank you for these girls and all the challenges. Help me to find joy in the battle." What usually happens is, I just get out the first three words. Today, it didn't even get that far. I kicked a few things around, sputtered a few words that an elder's wife shouldn't say and entertained the negative thinking tracks. I hadn't even gotten to the help part when God surprised me.

I needed to call Bethany's classroom teacher about something and she surprised me with a positive story about our girl. Yesterday, they went to their first pep fest. The teacher sat at the edge right by the door, with Bethany, unsure of how she would react to the big kids and the noise. Our girl, the one who couldn't even walk on wood floors, stayed. She not only stayed, she cheered when someone made a basket, she stomped her feet along with the rest of the kids as they chanted, and she not only stayed, she laughed and smiled and participated just like everyone else.

This might seem like an insignificant feat, but for our girl with her sensory issues, this was no small miracle. And then the teacher went on to say how pleased she has been with Bethany all year. She has interacted with 27 other kids in a classroom and learned the routine and she's happy every day. She walks into the classroom with a smile on her face. Even on the days that she's left screaming and crying from home.

Why write all this down? To remind myself that even when my first reaction isn't a good one and I don't cry out to God for help, He's still there. He reaches out and gently reminds me of how much he loves me, how much he loves Bethany, and reminds me that He's here. She's making progress. Yes..it's hard and yes, I have to fight the stinking thinking patterns every day. But even in the days that I don't fight well, He's still working and loving all of us. Amazing.

Flippin....

Faith loves Curious George. She keeps checking out the same book and it is getting very old for this mom, "Curious George Makes Pancakes." In order to break the monotony of this story, I inserted the word "flippin" as many times as I could. When I started to laugh hysterically at my own creativity, she burst into tears. I missed reading the last page the way I wanted to. So, here's what I missed:

"At the end of the flippin day, George got to present the flippin money from the fundraiser to the president of the flippin hospital. "Thanks to you, George, this has been our best flippin year ever!" she said. "Will you come back and make flippin pancakes again next year?"

George nodded and everyone flippin cheered.

There...now I have flippin closure.

S.T.U.F.F.

I have diligently instructed my children with a mantra while cleaning their rooms. They know it is the slogan that I try to live by and they can recite it from memory from an early age. Here it is: "Stuff weighs you down." As I have been feeling weighted down as of late with all the piles sitting around my house, an acronym came to mind. I'm going to post it for the children to recite at the dinner table.

S laves
T rapped
U nder
F lippin
F oolishness

It will be posted under the other quote that is hanging by the dinner table: "Impossible is not a word it's just a reason not to try."
(Kutless, "What Faith Can Do")

We will conquer the clutter.

Football analogy....

I woke up this morning repeating over and over, "I won't be crabby. I won't be crabby." My sweet husband asked me what I was doing. I told him I really don't enjoy this time of day, it's chaos, etc. He said, "That's like a football player telling himself, I won't fumble, I won't fumble. Guess what? He fumbles. You have to choose joy."

The older he gets, the more he is like my dad. I can hear my dad saying that. So, what does that look like? Well, the baby step that I took this morning was lifting my eyebrows and smiling. My husband walked into the kitchen to tell me goodbye, took one look at me and said, "What is going on?".

To his surprise, I replied, "I'm smiling. I figured if I smiled, maybe joy would follow." Dad always said to do the actions of obedience first and the emotions will follow.

The January blahs are looming, but I know Jesus wants joy for all of us. So if you see me with a big old smile on my face, you'll know what I'm up to. Don't mess with me...underneath that might be a crabby football player trying not to fumble.