Time...

This is one of those days where time stands still for a little while. Much like when you're at a funeral, and the bustling of life just stops. You sit and you ponder what that person meant to you, what he meant to others and you think about your own life. And you think about the changes you want to make, because you know that one day, it will be you in that rectangular box. One day, all the stuff you tried to maintain will be divided off or sold. The stuff doesn't matter.

Your mind goes to the people that you love the most. You think about your children, and you pray that they will "get it". That they will be "alive" with Jesus. The one thing that matters the most is that they will walk with him daily and love him with their whole heart.

My dad came home last night from the hospital only to wake up with another fever. They think he got sick in the hospital. I guess their little town was hit with a nasty wave of influenza. The fear inside of me is being poured out at Jesus' feet for my dad. The prayers of healing, peace and comfort are constant as well as the tears that seem to follow.

I look like a train wreck. Felt heavy all day yesterday and really didn't function well beyond taking care of the necessities. I've been praying that God would do something to encourage my parents and to show himself to us in a very real way. Whenever I've been near hopelessness, God has always done something to encourage me.

He did it today. He sent it in a form of a letter to my parents, from an unbeliever in CA. This woman's parents were cared for by my dad and just a few months ago, my dad spoke at her mother's funeral, despite his own cancer and weakness. This meant so much to this woman, she wrote a two page letter of appreciation and sent a huge check. The check is in the exact amount that they will need for thier future medical expenses.

It arrived today. A day that has been filled with pain, grief, and discouragement. In my mailbox, there was card for my boys from a dear friend who is going through his own difficulties. It touched my heart so much, it felt like a personal hug from God.

Pain is inevitable in this life. This roller coaster of cancer sucks. I want to jump off of it, and take my parents with me. But, that's not God's plan. At least, not at the moment. So, for now, all He promises is to be with us on the ride. And it really is a choice of trust and belief.

Tables were turned this morning, and I prayed with my Dad over the phone for peace, healing and comfort. He has done this for me many, many times over my lifetime. And now, God has given me the honor to pray for this dear sweet saint. In my prayer, I told God that we were going to continue to trust. Through the pain, through the ups and downs...sometimes that choice is with your fingertips. What keeps me hanging on is our Lord's faithfulness. Either I believe it or I don't. It really comes down to that.

So, in this moment of feeling life's finality, pain, and separation from those that we love...God pours out his mercy and grace in a fresh way. Ahead of time, in the form of letters. He knew that this day was going to come and he answered our prayers before we even prayed them. Who else, but God could do that?

He is faithful, we just need to trust Him.